Elimination of the fur in nose and ears

It's well-known: at certain age the organism stops regulating the hormonal secretion normally, cause of atrophies in certain bodily parts.

One of the most common is the apparition of abundant grey hair in nasal orifices and the ear.
This fur comes often accompanied by a sort of liquid wax or oleaginousness whose smell is offensive.

Up to the present day infinite systems have been used to eradicate this appalling disease: trimmers, X-ray, Gamma-ray, electricity, shock, garotte, genital lavation with permanganate of potash, slapping of the affected zone, chafe... unfortunately the science couldn't find -yet- a definitive solution to this problem, which is especially present in old males with pedophilic tendencies (viejo bufarra).

The gerontologist should keep such data in mind when facing this problem, especially with inveterate patients whose hair in nose and ear reaches colossal proportions, creating the so-called "double whisker" or "double moustache" effect, currently seen in severe cases. [Bascomb, Guy: "Seborrhea and sebaceous disasters in the old age", Michigan, 1965]


Notwithstanding some treatments have surfaced as of late (1972-73), which demonstrated a higher effectiveness fighting this real disgrace, especially the:

"Floating soap"

The floating soap is an authentical blessing developed in 1971 in the University of Idaho by the Prof. John Peron: it consists of a concavous animal-mineral soap, elaborated by means of a complex process of saponification of sodium hydroxide, latex and silicon.
The floating soaps -6 or 7 bars- must be left floating in the water while the patient takes his foment in the bathtub.
The effect is immediate, and the fur starts falling from nose and ear, as the skin gets rejuvenated... in spite of this, the fur grows again after one month, so the treatment must be followed periodically.

On the other hand, and despite the excellent properties of the floating soap, dangerous side-effect must occur if the patient uses an excessive amount of this medicinal prodigy (say, 20 or 30 bars): the abuse of the floating soap might provoke a chained series of instantaneous orgasms, taking the aged person to the paroxysm, and eventually, a sudden death: the so-called mort heureuse. [Filipappone, Jean-Luc: "Attention: savon flottant et les personnes âgées mortes de plaisir", Hendaye, 1973]


Another -relatively effective- treatment consists of the injection of honey in the ear: once the honey is solidified, it is removed by means of a "sonar" controlled by the modern science of the computer, extracting the petrified honey along with the wax and the hairs incrusted in it.

As it is warned by the Dr. Eduardo Lorenzo Borocotó: the deliberate plucking of the otic hairs must be avoided, because of the probabilísimo risk of otalgia, followed by profuse ear bleeding and -as sad corollary- the loss of the auricular pavilion in its entirety.