24 may. 2019

Akelarre in Adrogue

... And that's how the witch, and the second witch, they flew away over the Sierras Pampásicas.

Never forevermore.

18 may. 2019

Picture of the week

Image of Barbaro Feldon and Juanse Paranoico taken with a Polaroid in 1982, by Horacio Fontoba, when their band "The Residents" visited Dallas, Texas.

After every show, Barbaro and Juanse went to eat at "HE-A", the best pizzeria in the world, or at least in Dallas.

The sandy travel(s) of Rogelius Papanueces

Rogelius Papanueces (or Papanoices, or Papanueches) was born in the warmest town of England: Pureeton, and during his childhood he only played with a spinning top made of baked mud -and during his childhood. 

One day, when he was 39, his uncle Pappo Papanueces gave him two elk(s), to endeavor his interminable journey on the sandy paths of the Silk Road, where he found and then lost the Hawkwind Rosé, like Marco Polo, the traveler, before he was tele-transported to Nobody's Zone.

And some say it was only an illusion, the Hawkwind Rosé, because it's just a symbol, it doesn't exist, some say.

And the elk(s) were huge, and Rogelius Papanueces looked quite dwarfed when he mounted on 'em.
And the elk(s) spoke words of wisdom, and they knew the language of every bird, and the red jungle monkeys.

And Salman Rushdie's "Satanic Verses" landed from the Heavens. 
And the book became blue and yellow, and it was blessed by Allah.
And Rushdie was softly boiled in the milk of one infinitesimal Muslim Purgatory for 199 years only.
Because the mercy of Allah was over Rushdie, and over his house, and over his progeny until today.

And at the end of the day some say he was only an illusion, Rogelius Papanueces, because he's just a symbol, he doesn't exist, some say.

22 mar. 2019

Life, crimes, and due punishment of the group KIS

KIS was formed in Barnegat, NJ, United States, in 1975 by Gene "Beach" Simmons and Paul "Port" Stanley, two charlatans who escaped from the perfidious England to create their abominable band.
Apparently, KIS either stands for "KEEP IT SUAVE" or "KINGS IN SWEATSHIRT!".
They recruited two session musicians who would play live only for pizza: five-year old guitarist "Ace" Fehley (Wilde, Partido de Avellaneda, 1970), and senior drummer Peter Crysf (Charleston, 1915), who was 60.

One of the first visual tricks of KIS was walking with massive high heels on defenceless chicks onstage, which denoted an extreme cruelty and villainy, not to mention a variety of horrible devices, like spitting blood, by Simmons.

According to journalist Leo Vanés, the blood came from the pigs that KIS killed onstage, with a big knife, during the song "I Love It Loud" ("Me Gusta Fuerte"), a Simmons's song about his preference for all things thrilling and pasmosas, like driving his car at high speed and colliding into trees, walking naked in Barnegat public library, or pooping on everybody's head from the top of the Empire State Building.

According to Jerry Lewis, the cover of "Hot in the Shade" came from some obscure rituals that Simmons and Stanley imported from Egypt, which included flying bones and dangerous vampires.[sic]

It's a well-known fact that singer Paul Stanley underwent an atrocious plastic surgery (in this case is cosmetic surgery): his hands were cut with a saw, and the hands of a woman (recently deceased) were sewn in the stumps. On the other hand, a strange hormonal imbalance cause Stanley's excessive hair chest and makes him sweat five times more than an average man, reason why he takes five showers a day.

During a show in 1977, "Ace" Ferley, who was notoriously drunk, fell into an unfathomable pit in the stage.
No-one knew why that pit was there, and the rest of the band were searching for him during three days.
Finally Frehley appeared in the baggage compartment of the tour bus. After this nonsense Freeley was fired and substituted with NYC guitarist Vinnie Gene (birth name Vincent Italiamo).

By this time, strange rumours about bassist Gene "Beach" Simmons started circulating, like he cut the tendons of his tongue to roll it out like a monitor lizard. But the most insistent rumour was about Simmons's private island where he took people to torture them.
One of his victims was the famous singer Julio Iglesias, French crooner whose white pants and suave manners Simmons hated.

In spite of all this rampant, almost idiotic success, KIS's career came soon to an end when the 'disco music' started contaminating every groove of their albums "Die Nasty" and "Unmaskt", two records from the late '70s that signalled a complete loss of credibility for the band.
After this debacle Crysf was fired, and momentarily substituted with a muppet who looked quite a lot like him.
After a short tour through Angola, Uraguay, Brazil, and Ecuador, the muppet was fired, and a human drummer came in: Eric Casoglio.

But the stupid moves of Simmons and Stanley, like recording a pompous symphonic rock album that the fans unanimously rejected, put them on the edge of disbandment, a reason why they decided to call Freeley back to the band to record a heavy-metal album and, in an extreme move, take off their trademark make-up's, playing from now on with their washed faces.

The very end came in 1984 after Freelhey died drunk choking on his own vomit while driving a motorcycle which collided into a wall at the same time, accident which caused a collateral disaster including the explosion of six buses and one inflatable Ronald Reagan dummy.
Consternated, Simmons and Stanley decided to call it quits, and after moving to Las Vegas, changed their names legally to Genetico Simoni and Paolo Stani, and opened a giant cheese shop with their savings, "Gene & Paolo's Provoletta".

And this is how, this is how the excesses and sins of rock and roll end, ladies and gents, sadly and in Hell. Or in Las Vegas, which is more or less the same.

Life, crimes, and due punishment of the group KIS.

20 feb. 2019

Chombo Kuc, destroyer of ears, and souls

Chombo Rogelius Kuc was born on January 1st, 196... in Pasaje Quindimil 123, Remedios de Escalada Este (Conurbano Bonaerense).
In 1978 he founded his band, Los Chombas, heavy rock act where he played his Kuc guitar, made by himself, an acsolute[sic] scandal for the neighbors, who called the police every day, while Kuc and his drug-addicted friends played songs of Badman-Turner-Overdale and Ledd Zepplin.

During their first and fulminatory show at Sociedad Polonesa de Valentin Alsina, on February 6, 1979, Chombo Kuc tried to play the riff from Deep Purple's "Burn", though -after some seconds of infernal noise- the decibels were so so so so so excessive, that the noise, literally, started tearing down the walls.

After this unnecessary disaster, the "Citizen" amplifiers of Kuc caught fire horribly, provoking an igneous conflagration in the small venue, with the lamentable result of 22 deaths (all the spectators all).

Seeing this patarata of death, destruction, and banality, Los Chombas moved to continue their career as a retro-beat music combo in Uruguay, without Kuc, who hated chivito and the Uruguayan accent.

Consternated, mormoso and semi-insane (meshiggene), Chombo Rogelius Kuc escaped to a monastery for ex-rock musicians who lost their mind, in Tibet, where he lives in extreme, stupid reclusion ever since.

Moral of this story: who wants to know it
Casualties: 22, all the fans of Los Chombas, complete, all, 22.

... Just another story in the un-predictable, wild, hot, impressive, idiotic, retard rock and roll world... Sad, sad story indeed ladies & ladies, by this man, Chombo Kuc, this asshole, who couldn't tell reality from fantasy.

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