Maciste never knew how he appeared at the gates of that hamlet, lost in the middle of a pluvial jungle, populated by women
he just was looking for cheese and salami, and all of a sudden, lost his way home
maybe he was dreaming
or maybe the narcotics*1 of the air took him there
because the oxygen of those antediluvian isles was replete of psychotropics back then, and the world was much smaller than it is today, so that the whole oligo-continent of Eurasia was as big as Germany
in those times, for example, the territory of Monaco wasn't larger than a pizzeria.
Maciste experienced a solid erection observing the naked women, and so, he entered the village, with his cock in one hand
the women -that called themselves Amasones- had enormous dicks hanging from their vajinas
in fact those were their clitorises, that got abnormally enlarged because they sucked horse cock
alarmed seeing a male entering the hamlet, the Amasones started screaming in fear
and the Amasones were anthropophagi
[is this the nexus of the crisis?]
[is this the origin of storms?]
immediately the queen, whose name was Her Royal Hotness, Amygdala*2, came to see what happened
and she was obzcene, adored the idol Molech, and wore the skin of a man as cape
and multitude of testicles adorned her necklace, because the man who dared to tread on that lost dome, was mercilessly fucked and dismembered, to be devoured later
queen Amygdala, intrigued, asked the foreigner his name and what he wanted, but Maciste couldn't speak, because his parents abandoned him 1 minute after he was born, and he was raised among the donkeys, so he never articulated a word in his putísima life.
The queen Amygdala felt an irresistible attraction for the cock, and started sucking Masiste's botifarra on her knees, because the Amasones hadn't any morals*3
seeing that Her Royal Hotness had a clitoris erection, Maciste started fucking her vajinally, though the cock/clitoris of the queen rubbed too much the cock of Maciste, so he changed position, and fucked her anally, though he had to use margerine
once he cummed a massive load in her buttocks, the queen begged Maciste to suck her cock, and so he did, while the rest of the Amasones begged to be blowjobbed and fucked too, so Maciste was fucking and sucking for hours.
The Amasones already planned to kill him and dismember him once he were exhausted of sex, but Maciste never got tired, so he continued fucking the Amasones during 26 days non stop*4
in the afternoon of the 26th day, he needed to take a shit and eventually urinate, so he begged the Amasones to wait a minute, while he would go to defecate behind a Grecian laurel.
In that moment Amygdala gave orders to kill him while he was absent minded in his excretory task, because the Amasones were exhausted of sex, and even, 3 Amasones died, whose names were Danica, Trola & Castrola, because Machiste deflowered them with much violence, and their vajinas exploded replete of cum.
Makiste was excessively ingenuous, and only realized that he would be annihilated when he saw 9 Amasones coming in his direction with swords of platinum in their hands:
immediately he caught his weapon: a heavy jaw of donkey*5, and threw it at the Amasones like a boomerang, beheading them all:
the 9 heads fell from their torsos on the fertile soil in perfect, though macabre allineation
After this horrid event, Maciste provoked an alarming abattoir among the warrioresses, using the jaw of donkey, and arrows poisoned with curare from the mysterious island of Brésil
in a last and dramatic combate singular, the paladin pursued queen Amygdala and fucked her mouth so furiously that dislocated her nape
this gave birth to the legend of Conan the Barbarian*6.
Tranced in undiminished furore, the hero finally burned the whole village to the ground, ploughed the ashes, and cursed them solemnly in Carthaginian rite, so that no-one else would erect a new city at those boscages
this attitude seemed to be a bit excessive for Jupiter Zeus Tonante*7.
replete of ire, the king of the gods sends tremendous catholic ray from Olyympus above, which falls on the hëäd of Maciste incinerating him in the act
the imposing discharge of electricity made the foundations of the planet shiver and shake, odious cataclysms occurred on the potatoid surface of the Earth, and the thrones of all those atrocious gods enemies of Jupiter were blown away, like comfits in the typhoon
this is when the diluvium happened, and many species disappeared, like the Italian crocodile, or the European gueparde*8.
Tranced in remorse for this slaughter, and prey of grand consternation, Jupiter elevated Maciste to the skies because, after all, he was his grandson, and put him in a constellation, or planetary house, like Mercury, for example.
Maciste ascended to the cosma, apotheosized in the end
because he interacted with the galaxial hard disk
the celebration found the seraph playing the conchoid lyre from Plutón
and the cherub arpeggiating the divine hearpe from La Tierra
because the sideral tit ejaculated jasmines & blacmange, which rained on the head of Maciste: a new demi-god among the estrellas
from the horizon, the compote of the evening saluted the blessed ones
goodnight.
*Notes
1. reference to the narcotic air of Magna Graecia, probable theatre of the events.
Notwithstanding the scholar Jeff Franco suggested that the village of the Amasones could have been located in a parallel dimension, where Maciste arrived while sleeping
2. according to the prof. Caius Talbot, the name of the queen was "Animala"
3. this observation doesn't belong to the original text, it was probably added by the compilator Sir Rene Houseman in 1920
4. Telly Savalas claims that it wasn't '26 days', but 26 hours: the author probably used this hyperbole to cause an impression on the mind of the reader
5. or 'a torso of gorilla', according to P. Junot
6. segment of unknown origin interpolated, as it seems, irrationally
7. the author identifies Zeus with his Roman equivalent, Jupiter, common vice of the churrigueresque literature, mostly done with misleading purposes
8. According to Richard Cocciante, the Italian panther existed up to 1910, though, also called 'panthera saginata' or 'gatopardo'
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