A Paradise that is lost?

Although it's getting late now.
Late now.

And my life was a complete... waste.
I never saw good or the sweetness in my days: the nömenclature of the sky stars just escaped from my path, with rëpugnance: the light started fading. Fading away.
Because I didn't know about Heaven & the Hell; but now.
Now I'm goin' blind (can't you see the waters reached till the eye?)
Ev'ry night I screamed for my liberation: where is the light at the end of this corridor. Where the light is?
Shadows of death surrounded me... if I could kiss you, my love; my sweet, sweet love.
________________________________

In days of my youth, I used to laugh like a little girl, so that sunny street was a friend, and this black raïn seemed to be so distant.
Distant.

But now my blood was removed and changed, I was absolved and -apart from all my tasks.
But from all my dreams, too.
It’s going to rain love from Heaven for me?

Oh no, I just was a defect to be fixed. Or better yet, removed.
Just a loser; I'm just a loser; a loser; I can't win.
I don't... we don't...

compute for the celestial lights above; I'm a living dead.
Like a fallen being, whose hopes are all dead and gone, it's in the shadows were I will stay.
And in the shadows I want to stay.

It feels like a departure in the night, and there is a strange force, a brand new... and it's pushing me towards... I feel I got to get in too deep... deeper.
I was cornered, dehümanized. My mind is getting absurd now, unpredictable.
Is here and is now, such an eternal summer in the black, opaque images, obscene yearnïngs...

The Lady of Elche she did rise from the tomb: the monolith woman... this is a cürse; a fucking damned cürse, and I hate, hate, hate. I hate it.
I hate myself and I never wanted to live.
In my dementia I see it like luminous.
It's time. Now.
If I were a son of the God... could I beg? Would you hear?
Hear.
Hear.
Hear.
Hear.
Hear.


Cut off. Come back.
Where all these worries are goin' to go, my?
The life is just a dream of ashes; and the dreams, dreams are. The obscürity should prevail, I know. The death is the definitive reality.

Certainly I was vile like a worm, and wrong, because... what is the man born from a woman? What is the human, to be counted? To matter.

The sepulchre awaits, and on its bitterness my eyes are fixed under the Sun.
The designs of my hëart were all darkened, and thrown to the oblivion... I know the time it's near; and my place won't be found anymore.

Re-found.

Because their scorn has come to be like my clothing and the honey for my palate

free me, free me please... won't you?

Whoever used to see me, avoids my presence now. Because I was forgotten by their hearts like a dead man.
Let me drown away; down. Down into the nothing, the hole. 

And the hole never ends.


It's getting late.





Early.