The Son Chickpea was born little and smurfed himself because his mother Bolinda Carlisloe while she ate a saucerful of oily chickpeas begged at Heavens for a son and in seeing the angel that Bolinda had not hus band or another source of semen at hand to impregnate her because she lived alone with her 8 sisters impregnated her with the oily essence of the chickpeas as a life generator for heavenly verbi gratia [?]
and this is how Bolinda conceived foetus, and the engendered hhembryohh or thing was in her womb for 7 months only, and he was ejected, and borned [sic]
and it was little and smurfed himself, because his mother, Bolinda, while she ate a saucerful of oily chickpeas, begged at Heavens for a son.
And Bolinda and the 8 sisters celebrated playing violin and playing violon
and the sky, emotioned, rained oil
Ricoltore and Ybarra.
Diverse and not unknown adventures Son Chickpea endeavored, already since his year fourth, like the killing or matación of the serpens Korol, a little and wretched snake that lived in the profound and stony patio of the house and was secretly cruel with spiders, flies and ants, defenceless creatures that serpens Korol introduced in her long mouth without killing them -to make them suffer more-, and deformed their fragile bodies, turning them into horrible spherical and diminutive monsters full of suffering and pain.
These facts were matter of great odium and chagrin for Son Chickpea, so that one sunny Sunday noon, he caught serpens Korol by her shiny loins, and pierced her with a needle in the spine:
the pierced vertebrae of the little reptile emanated a milky and yellow juice, and Korol died
20 minutes later her body was dry and hollow like a pipehose, because serpens Korol was vile, and she was castigated by the angel with a rapid dryness, and into her stomach many many little balls were found, and these were her victims, the innocent insecta that populated that jardin with joy and sol.
And Son Chickpea was little, like a garbanzo himself, but brave
and his head was properly like a chickpea exact
and Son Chickpea hadn't any hair, because his genoma was like that of the leguminous or the poroto, and his bald head or bocha shone in the jardin with joy and sol:
this is when, the day of his fifth birthday exact, Son Chickpea endeavored his -until that moment- most difficult feat: killing the Enano Anderson
and Enano Anderson was a perverted dwarf whose abdomen was abnormally inflated and his glutei were like 2 watermelons
and Enano Anderson lived occult in the profound depths of the stony and jungley patio, behind the lettuces, wanking all the time, because Enano Anderson wanked observing the sisters of Bolinda Carlisloe from behind the lettuces, and this alarming fact was matter of great indignation and repugnance for everybody -except for Enano Anderson-, and the 8 sisters and Bolinda feared him, because Enano Anderson was apabullantemente velocious, and wanked to them with great ardor, and had a penis like a crimson salami, and the prepuce was like a shiny ring of yellow rubber always wet in thick cum.
But despite his hyperactive onanism and degeneracy, Enano Anderson slept, too, like any living being; precisely his sleeping time took place from 10:00 PM "HEM" (Homologated Eurozone Meantime) to 00:02 AM, when he usually woke up, drank some mate amargo and started again with his shamelessnesses and indelicacies.
Notwithstanding Bolinda was indignant with the fastidious presence of Enano Anderson in the jungley depths of that pluvial and profound patio, she begged Son Chickpea to not put his life in risk, because Enano Anderson was savage and callous, and had enormous hands, like Andalusian abanicos:
Not paying attention to his mother Son Chickpea swallowed saliva one jungley and profound night of July, and marched toward the pluvial and jungley depths of the stony patio where Enano Anderson lived
tranced in nocternal horrores Son Chickpea explored territory holding a lantern with his left hand, and a big and silvery spade with his right hand, and so big the spade was, and so minimum was Son Chickpea, that the argentine sword shone erect in the dark, and the tremendous weapon seemed to walk alone, like a pink magic or cosa 'e Mandinga.
After ten minutes of walk through the abysmal patio, and once Son Chickpea passed by the plantation of onions, he knew that he was dangerously close to the zone where the lettuces grew... dangerously nigh to the realms of Enano Anderson:
from the distance, all of a sudden, a sort of inflatable and ginormous pelota Nivea appeared in front of the eyes of Son Chickpea... it was the turgent and spherical stomach of Enano Anderson, being alternatively inflated and deflated in his sleepy respiration
the panic, the insuperable cagazo appeared in the eyes of Son Chickpea, so much that an unexpected rush of unstoppable diarrhea assaulted his intestines, and for 40 minutes Son Chickpea shat and shat and shat among the fragrant peach trees, because the patio was very vast and fertile, like a forest, and it was saturated with fruit.
After he released his gastric pipetas, Son Chickpea hygienized his arse-ring with fresh grass and continued his reckless march to kill Enano Anderson who, fortunately, still was sleeping:
finally Son Chickpea was almost face to face with the evil dwarf... just at 3 metres... if only... he could... get a bit closer... a little bit... in silence... with care... to sink the spade... into the
NO!
Enano Anderson woke up suddenly!
Pero por qué carajo!
A terrible stare of the dwarf was redirected at Son Chickpea who was too scared to move and too close to escape
the eyes of the perverted nanus opalesced in furious magenta at the light of the lantern, like two bolitas lecheras from Hell
Enano Anderson eructed a disgusting burp that smelled like rotting mozzarella and rancid grapes, which sounded with stentorian echo through the stony patio
the burp was so loud that it was heard by Bolinda in her bedroom, while she was anointing her twat with crema Hinds:
too late: Enano Anderson already holds a formidable palo de amasar with both hands and is about to hit the poor Son Chickpea in the head, who is paralyzed and trembling like a leaf... everything is lost!.. As the criminal weapon descends in the air impelled by the giant hands of Enano Anderson and all his evil, another hand, white, Aryan, Germanic... superior... a celestial hand [or celestiaga] stops the homicidal palo de amasar 2 centimetres before it would pulverize the soft cranium of Son Chickpea in 1,ooo pieces:
it's the hand of the angel, also called Lucifero or Mielo.
Enano Handerson stays frozen, stupefied, retarded in front of the angel, who looks at him with infinite comprehension
and a rare tenderness
but the angel is fair and just
and despite he feels an infinite mercy for Enano Anderson
and for his sins of enano
the angel is obliged to execute an exemplar castigation, and catching the genitalia of Enano Anderson with his white hand, stretches the ball and the cock of the dwarf like chewwinggum, cutting them with scimitar of butter
and it's here, ladies & gents that, handling the truncated, still beating and sanguinolent genitals of Enano Anderson in his hand, the angel devours balls and dick with turquoise rage in the eye
because he -in fact- the angel devours balls and dick with turquoise rage in the eye.
The epilogue tells us that Enano Anderson was incarcerated in cage of gold and sent castrated and alive to Hell, through a bat-tube of piety that Mielo, l'ange, excavated in the jungley-patio, my dear reeder
and the epilogue halso tells us that el ángel and Son Chickpea observe the pituitary dwarf or gnome castrated, humiliated, and in Hell
and they laugh and laugh all afternoon long, laugh
in the jardin, with joy, and sol
and the peach trees cum and cum overjoyed
and Bolinda and the sisters apply ointment on their cunts and laugh and laugh
sol and joy with jardin the in.
-Y colorín colorado
el cuentito ha terminado.
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