The other day of Jeanne

Arriving to 9 AM, I am here, Saturday 13 of September of 2014, I couldn't sleep at all, yes, arriving to 9 AM, I am here.


For love. 
For love I've lied, and for love I've tried to straighten my ways, and fix my errors, and for love I still risked it all, it's always for love, it is always in the middle, because I want to be alive, I want to be happy and make others happy, I want..... and I fail, but I still want, and try, and I fail again, and I want and try yet.

I can't forgive myself, I can only feel regret, remorse, grief... and every night I didn't have you visits me, in dreams -or not
like an enlarged ghost that tortures my mind.

 
A while ago I felt joyful, because I found you in the life, but then I felt terribly bad and wrong, and I felt shame, and I could see my human misery stripped and uncovered, and I felt unworthy... this was when, immediately and as a white lightning of saving grace, a reminder of my love appeared in my worried mind, of my love for you, and it was thrown on the scales, and it weighed more than my misery. 
Because it weighed more.



Past 9 AM, I am here, Saturday 13 of September of 2014, I couldn't sleep at all, yes, past 9 AM, I am here, in the middle of your night, as the morning comes - from my shadows, yet.































Maybe I'll find you one day, my sweet love
on the twisted and ascending road, where our eyes are higher than these tears
tears of mine

because maybe I'll find you one day, my precious Jeannene, my only treasure
on that illuminated path, morning or noon
beyond the starz.