The mysterious Elvis UK tour

 
 Polaroid showing Elvis in 1.997 at the American nuclear base of Porosa, in Culombia



Elvis Presley hated Europe, indeed, for him, Europe was an uniform block full of strange people that ate snails, rare cheeses, complicated recipes of fish, watched sick movies in black & white with brusque camera angles and wore beret, -even the women-, inexact but persistentísimas ideas which are not unusual -even today- for the average informed American citizen.

Presley did swear he never would play in Europe, never ever... years later, in the 70s, he also would give a megashow live from Hawaii, broadcasted *via satellite*, in which he wore a ridiculous cape of superhero, an American epitome: the obese superhero who, despite his overweight, still fights the crime and indulges in the excessive ingest of carbohydrates.

But Elvis and Europe were opposite concepts, like water and oil, like Juan y Pinchame, like Lady GaGa and Black Metal.


In spite of this, and in front of a succulent sum that was offered, Elvis embarked himself in a secret British tour, which shouldn't be known in the USA, engaged by the promoter Nigel Paillasse, a well-know impresario that, if everything was ok, would add some continental dates, France & the occupied Germany to start.


Llandudno was the first town chosen by Elvis to play in Great Britain: before the show it sounded burlettas, and all the maccarthyist Brishish society became agitatated at the Royal Hammersmith Odeon of Llandudno (because there is a Hammersmith Odeon in every British town):

the prime minister Sir Anthony Eden, in matinal discourse aired by the BBC on amplitude modulation, said that Elvis was a degenerate with greasy hair, a very suspicious stare and no destiny.

Eden in person tried to cancel the next show in the name of decency, by means of hydrant tanks used to fight the IRA, and he also appealed to Scotland Yard, but the much fire the Hall caught was understood by the audience as artsy FXx on purpose, and everybody laughed.

The extreme thinness of Elvis made a rumour roll: everybody started to say that he had mononucleosis, these news appeared on several sensationalist tabloids, and some British thugs incinerated American cars during three days.
During the show in Rockall, the excessive reverberation of the Elvis voice, tore down the Municipal Pavilion walls, because he used new amplifiers, developed by the CIA, General Electric brand.

The next morning, the British public opinion had the news in all the radio's with the breakfast, but it was the epoch of the post-WWII austerity, and the butter to feed the English still was imported from the commonwealth of Cyprus, manufactured with butt of cow:
Anyway, and due to excessively lascivious pelvis movements during a show in Chichester or Chiclester, Elvis was deported, for amorality, as illegal alien, and sent in summary flight of British Caledonian toward the JFK airport; this international incident almost caused a war between the UK and Tupelo, due to this, the next day all the black population of the US was allowed to eat in restaurants (?)

Just as a footnote, that year (1.956) started the boom of the carbonated drinks, fabricated by Eveready, many people sufffffered insolation and hallucinatas, even some died poisoned by its 39% of cocaine because it still was legal:
after a human hecatomb that resulted in 290.008 dead, it was retired from the shops.

Another Elvice attempt to play outside the US was in Monte Carbólico in 1976, but it was banned by the prince Rainiero, who said, by means of phrenologic study practised on an Elvis skull replica, that Elvis was not a perfect Aryan.

After a third attempt at the Acapulco beach, in Mexico, where a heavy load of inflatable makeleles and tortillas were thrown at the stage, and where Elvis (who was wearing thick-black sunglasses for an ocular irritation) was ominously taken for Roy Orbison, he decided to play only in the US definitely, with great success until today, despite the 1.999 tour, which was quite a fiasco.





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