The story of the first Uruguayan astronaut: Paco Gere

Paco Gere started his training to fly to teh Moon back in 1984; first he had to buy the adequate implements to be equipped; the cost was ridiculous

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After living during one season in Cape Kennedy, as cadet and sockets-sucker, teh day finally arrived: Paco Gere would fly in a rocket all built in bakélite®, which was ultra-mega hyper resistant to the kozmik trash that would collide with the spaceship.
His spacesuit was made of the same material, to avoïd the so-called lunar diarrheas, terrible gastric disease that made the astronauts spend long weeks constantly seated on the shitting throne.



Everything was going as planned, and teh flight was alright, but 5 minutes before the rocket would arrive, and land on the Moon, Paco Gere had a fatidical idea: he went to the spceship's kitchen to prepare some hot mates...when Paco Gere saw the shelf, his face got suddenly pale, acquiring the terrified expression of death: a scream of horror escaped from his throat...in the hurry before the flight he forgot to bring some yerba mate with him.

Speechless and desperate, Paco Gere started running across the rocket, smashing his head against the metallic walls like a raving demented, fact that made the spaceship lose equilibrium in its flight, due to the failure of an O-ring on its right solid-fuel rocket booster (SRB), this caused both structural failure of the external tank (ET), and pivoting of the SRB into the orbiter and ET. Damage near the bottom of the ET resulted in the complete loss of the aft dome of the lower tank and a rapid release of hydrogen, creating a forward thrust of about 2.8 million pounds of Mardonas and pushing the tank up into the intertank structure which connects the liquid hydrogen tank and liquid oxygen tank. This was followed by an almost explosive burning of the hydrogen combined with oxygen leaking from the intertank, the rocket control system then ruptured, resulting in the burning of its hypergolic propellants by hyperventilation (?)



Cos everything comes to an end
believe me my friend
and the rokket got out of position
falling down in so-called ignition.

The spaceshit fell in flames on some remote Siberian steppe, crashed on the ground, got totally pulverized, nothing was found, not even the mate, the pipe or the thermos, not even a screw.

Fuck.

It is how heroes die, young and dramatically, like Paco Gere, first (and last) Uruguayan astronaut in the history.


RIP.