9 oct 2008
Nameless script
I) The walk
Walking over the alms of this paving stone, I go like a dead one.
Once upon a time: everything was denied: the enigma lies on the altars of the mystery.
It must be something I did wrong.
On the wings of a dead dream* my steps echoed empty across the humid brick walls in hollow ricochets, the pain it's so intense that I can't feel it.
Is just an acute, surd point of anguish stuck in my soul...I go, as I'm swallowed slowly by the shadows.
II) The fall
Where I am? Do I exist yet? Who I am?
I feel my blood is dry in this cellophane night and forever.
Forever; forever.
Forever is a long-long time for a broken spirit to bear.
Where's our God of love this night?
Maybe he's a puma of love.**
Maybe he's this child, and his navel spreads bread to the world. A world without love.
God of love, all tenderness: where are you?
III) One night
One night I had a plan. A plan.
The most decadent, sinister and eternal of the nights.
A plan.
I still remember that night without shades. Blackest than the cunt of the death. A plan of death.
Now I'm dead.
IV) Fractured life
One day of my light, I found a daylight.
It was sweet to me, and I tried to reach it.
My daylight was growing inside of me, in my fractured midday
and I loved it.
My nights and days were lit by this fragile creature, but I started to note something occult.
Something painfully mysterious in its smiles.
V) The punishment
Like criminal statues on the run, my days escaped away from me.
In outbursts of rain, I gave birth a monster who was devouring myself:
this immense ruthless web that is never seen, it was prepared for me, and only I fell in it; nobody else.
VI) The chains don't lie
I was another stray dog for a sun hanging from a harness, its red glow projected my long shadow, such a Delacroix of my body stretched in horror.
I followed my own shadow toward the fork of trains.
I found graffitis of the fury, and I felt lost.
The gnarled pendulum of the hours never stops:
hit by hit I turned off all the lights.
I found no peace, just a water-bottle full of spittle.
For the hours when I was.
Cruel.
VII) Meaningless life / Into the void
Then.
Like a ventriloquist of myself, like a scrawny, tattooed dancer of buried zeniths and a wolf in the breath, the brawn of despair made me shatter my cursed and antique skin away.
In a butcher's smile I shattered this ancient skin, ancient skin.
If I were alive, maybe I'd have a jump to be completed.
A jump of black tin burning from a sweaty and sombre myself.
A jump of one in a million.
...If you can see my eyes becoming gilt quartz, they will tell you that regardless empires, boots; walls and bridges
regardless death, life and this cold of today, I'm a fractured jet propulsor without you.
But I'm dead, and nothing is possible to me now.
*"Book of the dead ones" (J.J. Cornell)
** From a graffiti seen one night on a wall in Buenos Aires.
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